ReBONDing: The Moore Years, Pt. 2
Reevaluating the Roger Moore Era (1973 - 1985)
When we last left James Bond... ehh, let's just cut right to the chase. Can Roger Moore's James Bond survive space or complete an application for AARP membership? We'll find out here soon enough...
A VIEW TO A KILL (1985)
Directed by John Glen
Written by Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson
Ian Fleming (story)
Running Time: 2 hours, 11 minutes
Original Verdict:
If Moore wasn't showing his age before, he definitely is now. Even having Christopher Walken as the evil Max Zorin can't compete with the butch Grace Jones, Tanya "I scream too much" Roberts and a snowboarding Bond in the opening scene. It did, however, give us one of the better James Bond songs performed by Duran Duran.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5.
THE REEVALUATION
When I was a child, this one was one of my favorites. Just like the last post, I would venture a guess that it has been a good fifteen years since my last viewing. Some of Moore's films do not age well, and unfortunately A View To A Kill is no exception.
The Cold Open: My childhood memories are shattered as this one doesn't quite cut the mustard after 30 years. And it's all because of that horrible song. James Bond "snowboards" to a poor man's version of David Lee Roth's cover of the Beach Boys' classic, "California Girls." The brief scene plays for what feels like an eternity, causing me to cringe every time I watch it. It deflates the tension of John Barry's rousing score, hearkening back to the slide whistle bridge jump from The Man With The Golden Gun, but worse.
The Story: A piss poor rehashing of Goldfinger, except this time it involves microchips instead of, well... gold, obviously. Most Bond plots are ridiculous, but this one feels extra stupid for some reason. The film spends over 45 minutes where Bond investigates Zorin and his alleged illegal ventures in horse-racing which eventually lead us back to San Francisco and Silicon Valley where... I stop typing about this silly plot and instead share a clip from "At The Movies" with Roger Ebert where he breaks down the absurdity Zorin's evil plan to overtake the microchip industry. (You can thank me later.)
The Villain: Max Zorin. French Industrialist. Widely varied business portfolio that includes microchip processing, equine science and research (kind of), horse-racing, petroleum, and... blimps. Fluent in five languages. He has no accent... other than the obvious one from New York. But who am I kidding? He's Christopher freakin' Walken! He has his own accent. I like him in this film, but I do not love him. Not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because he hadn't quite become a caricature of himself just yet. It could be worse. (And it is. Just keep reading.)
The Heavy: Grace Jones as May Day. Strange choice for the lead henchman -- or henchwoman, I should say -- but it works. She's like a poor man's Wesley Snipes. Or is it the other way around? Either way, she still has a striking presence in the film and will probably go down as either one of the most unique or most bizarre villains of the entire franchise. (Trivia Fun Fact: If you blink, you might miss Dolph Lundgren as one of Zorin's guards.)
The Girls: Tanya Roberts portrays Stacey Sutton, the single most insignificant female characters ever conceived to star opposite James Bond. She runs neck and neck with Willie Scott (Kate Capshaw) from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom for the most annoying screaming female character of the 1980s. Quite possibly of all-time. Is she worse than Denise Richards? The jury is still out on that one. (Trivia Fun Fact: If you pay close attention, you'll notice that Jenny Flex is played by Alison Doody -- most famously known for her performance as Elsa in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.)
The Gadgets: For a movie this outlandish, the film comes up short with some of the least impressive Bond toys of the entire franchise. An iceberg submarine that appears to be designed just for Bond's "extracurricular activities," a remote controlled robot-like dog thing (that feels more like a Lucas-inspired marketing ploy and serves absolutely no purpose in the film), a mini-cheque copier, a Sharper Image credit card "lock-pick," and a pair of "special" sunglasses. Disappointed!
What Doesn't Work? Almost everything. (I should have changed this section to What Does Work? to make it easier on myself.) Roger Moore is too old for this film. Every time you see a man doing something in this film that exerts any kind of physicality, it is not Roger Moore. Case in point: The cold open was shot in Iceland, where shifting icebergs threatened the film crew's safety and destroyed some of their equipment, but the only time you ever see Roger Moore is in a close-up. The man never placed one foot in Iceland. Instead, anytime you see his face, he's safe within the confines of the 007 Sound Stage at Pinewood Studios.
Watching A View To A Kill is like watching my grandfather play James Bond; if only had he been British and colored his hair to a more youthful brown (trust me, I've done the math and it's possible). James Bond seemed perfectly poised for a rebooting of the franchise in 1985, eager to inject younger blood and a new face at the height of the MTV age. Unfortunately, we were given this film instead.
Moore, who probably felt compelled to make one last film, to be the one who made seven Bond films (Connery left at six if you don't include the non-Bond-canonical Never Say Never Again), exits the franchise with a cinematic turd whose entire pacing, action sequences and staged fighting feel as quick as its senior citizen star.
Reevaluation Score: 2 out of 5.
MOONRAKER (1979)
Directed by Lewis Gilbert
Written by Christopher Wood
Ian Fleming (novel)
Running Time: 2 hours, 6 minutes
Original Verdict:
Space + James Bond = Mostly retarded movie. It's sad, too, because I really loved this movie when I was a kid. It's amazing how things change when you get older.
Rating: 2 out of 5.
You could not contain my level of excitement as a child when I unintentionally came across the familiar United Artists opening below in hopes of next seeing the gun barrel sequence.
When I saw that opening, I knew I was in for a treat! British Secret Agent James Bond, 007 - Licence to Kill was on the case and I was going with him. Without question -- without any shadow of doubt -- Moonraker was my favorite James Bond movie. It's almost as if this film was aimed at young boys, which upon writing this now makes perfect sense. The more you read of this post, the more you'll understand why.
THE REEVALUATION
In Moonraker, we are given the Albert "Cubby" Broccoli stamp of approval, claiming this film to be grounded in "science fact" rather than science fiction. (Please hold all laughter until the end.) Like its predecessors -- as well as successors, for that matter -- James Bond is once again influenced by the current trend. This time, unfortunately, it was the popularity of science fiction. Or more specifically, Star Wars. And with riveting promotional pieces like this, how could one not be super pumped to see this film?
The Cold Open: Just as memorable as it was when I was ten years old. Someone steals a space shuttle, destroying the jet airliner that was transporting it. Then we cut to Bond, who is forced out of a plane sans parachute and must acquire one on the way down. It's a great live-action stunt. Too bad the producers couldn't locate a suitable stunt double for Richard Kiel (Jaws). The cut scenes don't pair up very well, but it's still fun regardless of its flaws.
The Story: Moonraker is the fraternal twin of The Spy Who Loved Me. While not identical, these two films clearly came from the same creative womb. Rather than creating a new civilization underwater, Hugo Drax launches nerve gas into Earth's atmosphere in an attempts to destroy the human race while his master race cools their heels in a giant space station. As Roger Moore James Bond films go, three-quarters of this movie is par for the course, albeit more cartoonish. Until that is, we reach space. Then the wheels -- or rather the jet engines -- fall off.
The Villain: Hugo Drax. French Industrialist. (Yes, another one.) While some people love Michael Lonsdale as Drax, I personally find his performance bland and uneventful. Some love his subdued delivery. I, on the other hand, am trying not to nod off while he offers Mr. Bond a cucumber sandwich. Drax chooses to play with Bond as if he's a rat in a maze -- which I rather enjoy since most villains just want to take him out immediately -- but as a whole, I am honestly indifferent. He's not bad, but he's not great, either.
The Heavy: An incomplete Chang followed by Jaws Part II. Chang always felt threatening to me as a child. And he still comes across as threatening now. Chang is the silent type; the most commonly used stereotypical henchman archetype in the Bond franchise. He also seems to be the only one who really puts Bond into a situation where Bond seems to fear for his life. For what he was able to produce with the G-Force simulator, I give him major points. Points that will always seem out of reach for Jaws here in Moonraker.
On the other end of the scale is Jaws who is always bested by Bond. Once Drax makes a call to what can only be seen as some sort of "Henchman Hotline" to have Chang replaced, the only purpose that Jaws serves throughout the remainder of the film is being the punchline to Bond's various escapes. Jaws became the only henchman to return to a Bond film due to thousands of fan letters from young children who not only loved the character, begged for his return, and quite often made the inquiry as to "why couldn't he be good?" (And that, dear readers, is why Moonraker feels as if it were written for a twelve-year-old audience. Because it was.)
The Girls: Lois Chiles' flat performance as Holly Goodhead is disappointing, but with a name that bad, what more could you ask for? (Regarding names, however, Christmas Jones is still the worst.) There's not a lot to really mention here. Most of the ladies in Moonraker feel disposable at best. Additionally, this film has one of the most tragically haunting Bond girl death scenes ever. While it generally feels out of place compared to the overall tone of the film, it is still quite effective.
The Gadgets: The wrist dart gun (still my favorite, and used more than once to save Bond's skin), a digital wrist watch that's equipped with what appears to be C-4 and a detonator, the infamous "Bondola" (gondola/hovercraft), and the speed boat with a detachable hang glider. All around some of my favorite gadgets from the Moore era (minus the "Bondola," of course).
What Doesn't Work? Space Marines. Space lasers. The giant space station. Six space shuttles. (Basically anything with the word space in it.) The disco version of Moonraker. Coming off of the success of The Spy Who Loved Me, spectacular was to be expected, but the over the top spectacle in this film runs rampant. Because of that, it can't maintain its seriousness, and that spectacle quickly becomes farcical. The director deemed it more important to focus on sight gags, jokes, and a cartoon sense of humor and the end result is an ineffective film that cares more about a double-take pigeon than keeping its audience invested.
With Moonraker, it felt as if the filmmakers involved tried too hard with every gag, where as in A View To A Kill, it feels as if they just gave up. Either way you slice it, they kill both film's credibility, just in different ways. On a more positive note, Moonraker gave us one of the most beautiful film scores ever written by John Barry. It is an odd compliment to one of the silliest films within the entire franchise. But in the end, Moonraker still ends up a floater that circles the bowl compared to the rest of the pre-Brosnan era. Outside of die-hard Bond fans, this film is not recommended for anyone who has any sort of developed cinematic taste, possesses common sense, understands and comprehends good storytelling or a pulse for that matter.
Reevaluation Score: 2 out of 5.
James Bond will return...
When we last left James Bond... ehh, let's just cut right to the chase. Can Roger Moore's James Bond survive space or complete an application for AARP membership? We'll find out here soon enough...
A VIEW TO A KILL (1985)
Directed by John Glen
Written by Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson
Ian Fleming (story)
Running Time: 2 hours, 11 minutes
Original Verdict:
If Moore wasn't showing his age before, he definitely is now. Even having Christopher Walken as the evil Max Zorin can't compete with the butch Grace Jones, Tanya "I scream too much" Roberts and a snowboarding Bond in the opening scene. It did, however, give us one of the better James Bond songs performed by Duran Duran.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5.
THE REEVALUATION
When I was a child, this one was one of my favorites. Just like the last post, I would venture a guess that it has been a good fifteen years since my last viewing. Some of Moore's films do not age well, and unfortunately A View To A Kill is no exception.
The Cold Open: My childhood memories are shattered as this one doesn't quite cut the mustard after 30 years. And it's all because of that horrible song. James Bond "snowboards" to a poor man's version of David Lee Roth's cover of the Beach Boys' classic, "California Girls." The brief scene plays for what feels like an eternity, causing me to cringe every time I watch it. It deflates the tension of John Barry's rousing score, hearkening back to the slide whistle bridge jump from The Man With The Golden Gun, but worse.
The Story: A piss poor rehashing of Goldfinger, except this time it involves microchips instead of, well... gold, obviously. Most Bond plots are ridiculous, but this one feels extra stupid for some reason. The film spends over 45 minutes where Bond investigates Zorin and his alleged illegal ventures in horse-racing which eventually lead us back to San Francisco and Silicon Valley where... I stop typing about this silly plot and instead share a clip from "At The Movies" with Roger Ebert where he breaks down the absurdity Zorin's evil plan to overtake the microchip industry. (You can thank me later.)
The Villain: Max Zorin. French Industrialist. Widely varied business portfolio that includes microchip processing, equine science and research (kind of), horse-racing, petroleum, and... blimps. Fluent in five languages. He has no accent... other than the obvious one from New York. But who am I kidding? He's Christopher freakin' Walken! He has his own accent. I like him in this film, but I do not love him. Not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because he hadn't quite become a caricature of himself just yet. It could be worse. (And it is. Just keep reading.)
The Heavy: Grace Jones as May Day. Strange choice for the lead henchman -- or henchwoman, I should say -- but it works. She's like a poor man's Wesley Snipes. Or is it the other way around? Either way, she still has a striking presence in the film and will probably go down as either one of the most unique or most bizarre villains of the entire franchise. (Trivia Fun Fact: If you blink, you might miss Dolph Lundgren as one of Zorin's guards.)
 |
| Just call me Tanya "I've never held a shotgun before we filmed this scene" Roberts. |
The Girls: Tanya Roberts portrays Stacey Sutton, the single most insignificant female characters ever conceived to star opposite James Bond. She runs neck and neck with Willie Scott (Kate Capshaw) from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom for the most annoying screaming female character of the 1980s. Quite possibly of all-time. Is she worse than Denise Richards? The jury is still out on that one. (Trivia Fun Fact: If you pay close attention, you'll notice that Jenny Flex is played by Alison Doody -- most famously known for her performance as Elsa in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.)
The Gadgets: For a movie this outlandish, the film comes up short with some of the least impressive Bond toys of the entire franchise. An iceberg submarine that appears to be designed just for Bond's "extracurricular activities," a remote controlled robot-like dog thing (that feels more like a Lucas-inspired marketing ploy and serves absolutely no purpose in the film), a mini-cheque copier, a Sharper Image credit card "lock-pick," and a pair of "special" sunglasses. Disappointed!
What Doesn't Work? Almost everything. (I should have changed this section to What Does Work? to make it easier on myself.) Roger Moore is too old for this film. Every time you see a man doing something in this film that exerts any kind of physicality, it is not Roger Moore. Case in point: The cold open was shot in Iceland, where shifting icebergs threatened the film crew's safety and destroyed some of their equipment, but the only time you ever see Roger Moore is in a close-up. The man never placed one foot in Iceland. Instead, anytime you see his face, he's safe within the confines of the 007 Sound Stage at Pinewood Studios.
- Lisa's Chime In Moment of the Movie: "Does every James Bond movie have the title spoken within the movie?"
Me: "No, that's just horrible dialog."
Also, the title really doesn't make much sense and another fine example of the film producers only using the title of Ian Fleming's work and then abandoning the remaining plot (just like with the next film in this post).
Watching A View To A Kill is like watching my grandfather play James Bond; if only had he been British and colored his hair to a more youthful brown (trust me, I've done the math and it's possible). James Bond seemed perfectly poised for a rebooting of the franchise in 1985, eager to inject younger blood and a new face at the height of the MTV age. Unfortunately, we were given this film instead.
Moore, who probably felt compelled to make one last film, to be the one who made seven Bond films (Connery left at six if you don't include the non-Bond-canonical Never Say Never Again), exits the franchise with a cinematic turd whose entire pacing, action sequences and staged fighting feel as quick as its senior citizen star.
Reevaluation Score: 2 out of 5.
MOONRAKER (1979)
Directed by Lewis Gilbert
Written by Christopher Wood
Ian Fleming (novel)
Running Time: 2 hours, 6 minutes
Original Verdict:
Space + James Bond = Mostly retarded movie. It's sad, too, because I really loved this movie when I was a kid. It's amazing how things change when you get older.
Rating: 2 out of 5.
You could not contain my level of excitement as a child when I unintentionally came across the familiar United Artists opening below in hopes of next seeing the gun barrel sequence.
When I saw that opening, I knew I was in for a treat! British Secret Agent James Bond, 007 - Licence to Kill was on the case and I was going with him. Without question -- without any shadow of doubt -- Moonraker was my favorite James Bond movie. It's almost as if this film was aimed at young boys, which upon writing this now makes perfect sense. The more you read of this post, the more you'll understand why.
THE REEVALUATION
In Moonraker, we are given the Albert "Cubby" Broccoli stamp of approval, claiming this film to be grounded in "science fact" rather than science fiction. (Please hold all laughter until the end.) Like its predecessors -- as well as successors, for that matter -- James Bond is once again influenced by the current trend. This time, unfortunately, it was the popularity of science fiction. Or more specifically, Star Wars. And with riveting promotional pieces like this, how could one not be super pumped to see this film?
The Cold Open: Just as memorable as it was when I was ten years old. Someone steals a space shuttle, destroying the jet airliner that was transporting it. Then we cut to Bond, who is forced out of a plane sans parachute and must acquire one on the way down. It's a great live-action stunt. Too bad the producers couldn't locate a suitable stunt double for Richard Kiel (Jaws). The cut scenes don't pair up very well, but it's still fun regardless of its flaws.
The Story: Moonraker is the fraternal twin of The Spy Who Loved Me. While not identical, these two films clearly came from the same creative womb. Rather than creating a new civilization underwater, Hugo Drax launches nerve gas into Earth's atmosphere in an attempts to destroy the human race while his master race cools their heels in a giant space station. As Roger Moore James Bond films go, three-quarters of this movie is par for the course, albeit more cartoonish. Until that is, we reach space. Then the wheels -- or rather the jet engines -- fall off.
The Villain: Hugo Drax. French Industrialist. (Yes, another one.) While some people love Michael Lonsdale as Drax, I personally find his performance bland and uneventful. Some love his subdued delivery. I, on the other hand, am trying not to nod off while he offers Mr. Bond a cucumber sandwich. Drax chooses to play with Bond as if he's a rat in a maze -- which I rather enjoy since most villains just want to take him out immediately -- but as a whole, I am honestly indifferent. He's not bad, but he's not great, either.
The Heavy: An incomplete Chang followed by Jaws Part II. Chang always felt threatening to me as a child. And he still comes across as threatening now. Chang is the silent type; the most commonly used stereotypical henchman archetype in the Bond franchise. He also seems to be the only one who really puts Bond into a situation where Bond seems to fear for his life. For what he was able to produce with the G-Force simulator, I give him major points. Points that will always seem out of reach for Jaws here in Moonraker.
On the other end of the scale is Jaws who is always bested by Bond. Once Drax makes a call to what can only be seen as some sort of "Henchman Hotline" to have Chang replaced, the only purpose that Jaws serves throughout the remainder of the film is being the punchline to Bond's various escapes. Jaws became the only henchman to return to a Bond film due to thousands of fan letters from young children who not only loved the character, begged for his return, and quite often made the inquiry as to "why couldn't he be good?" (And that, dear readers, is why Moonraker feels as if it were written for a twelve-year-old audience. Because it was.)
 |
| "Ahh, Venice." |
The Girls: Lois Chiles' flat performance as Holly Goodhead is disappointing, but with a name that bad, what more could you ask for? (Regarding names, however, Christmas Jones is still the worst.) There's not a lot to really mention here. Most of the ladies in Moonraker feel disposable at best. Additionally, this film has one of the most tragically haunting Bond girl death scenes ever. While it generally feels out of place compared to the overall tone of the film, it is still quite effective.
The Gadgets: The wrist dart gun (still my favorite, and used more than once to save Bond's skin), a digital wrist watch that's equipped with what appears to be C-4 and a detonator, the infamous "Bondola" (gondola/hovercraft), and the speed boat with a detachable hang glider. All around some of my favorite gadgets from the Moore era (minus the "Bondola," of course).
What Doesn't Work? Space Marines. Space lasers. The giant space station. Six space shuttles. (Basically anything with the word space in it.) The disco version of Moonraker. Coming off of the success of The Spy Who Loved Me, spectacular was to be expected, but the over the top spectacle in this film runs rampant. Because of that, it can't maintain its seriousness, and that spectacle quickly becomes farcical. The director deemed it more important to focus on sight gags, jokes, and a cartoon sense of humor and the end result is an ineffective film that cares more about a double-take pigeon than keeping its audience invested.
With Moonraker, it felt as if the filmmakers involved tried too hard with every gag, where as in A View To A Kill, it feels as if they just gave up. Either way you slice it, they kill both film's credibility, just in different ways. On a more positive note, Moonraker gave us one of the most beautiful film scores ever written by John Barry. It is an odd compliment to one of the silliest films within the entire franchise. But in the end, Moonraker still ends up a floater that circles the bowl compared to the rest of the pre-Brosnan era. Outside of die-hard Bond fans, this film is not recommended for anyone who has any sort of developed cinematic taste, possesses common sense, understands and comprehends good storytelling or a pulse for that matter.
Reevaluation Score: 2 out of 5.
James Bond will return...
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