A Year of Selected Posts
While I haven't written much this year -- which only means that my blog title is all the more appropriate -- I have gathered up my favorite Facebook posts of 2013. I know I have an audience out there. I've even witnessed it... occasionally.
Please enjoy my "selected" status updates. Snippets of what went on in my life, my introspective commentary on certain events, or of those that I influenced enough for them to include me in their own thoughts or conversations. They're in no particular order and most of them are amusing, or at least I this so, but I'll let you be the judge. The pictures or videos in here are to help help reference what I may have been talking or thinking about at the time.
You know you've entered middle age when you look at the Top Selling Music Artists or the Best of 2012 albums and recognize MAYBE five out of the first 50 you come across. In all likelihood, this is a good thing, because I have no desire to shell out money on music. The bad news is... I feel old.
I love a good time travel movie but Primer just made my brain hurt...
How is it that I've been sucked into a 2-hr block of RetroMTV with "The Real World: San Francisco"? Must... leave... the... room... before I lose the rest of the day.
I honestly believe that whenever someone places an order at Jet's Pizza, angels are dispatched down from heaven in order to make it. Yes, it's that good.
When scrolling through all of the fancy ringtones that my new office phone has to offer, I've discovered that the most current of the pop culture references is the office ringtone from "24." Among the other horribly dated pop culture ringtones included were: Austin Powers, "The Simpsons" (Bart Simpson, specifically), "Star Trek", and Dirty Harry.
I don't think my wife will ever take me completely serious because I watch "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and "Angel." And you know what? I'm okay with that.
I don't know what's worse: Disney channel in the waiting room or the Outlaw Country XFM station while waiting for a Novocaine shot and drilling at the dentist.
I just told my wife that we're well cultured... pop cultured, that is. (Slightly dated pop culture, in all honesty.)
Watching Unbreakable and admiring the masterful direction of M. Night Shyamalan. How far the mighty have fallen. Now he's just a punchline. So sad, but at least I can cherish this film.
A strange Memorial Day Movie Blockbuster weekend it will be, when the latest installment of cars driving fast (Fast & Furious 47 or something like that) is getting mostly positive reviews and apparently they've failed to deliver a decent sendoff for the 'Wolf Pack' in The Hangover, Part III. Blech. Anyone up for a trip to the video rental store? Oh wait, those are mostly gone, too? Well, that sucks.
Three things: (1) IRON MAN 3 was excellent, (2) Shane Black's obsession with Christmas is still evident as it echoed throughout the entire film, and (3) he's still one of the best screenwriters in Hollywood, especially when his dialog comes out of the mouth of Robert Downey, Jr.
The most frustrating part of revisiting the television show "24" on Netflix is how Jack Bauer can supposedly get anywhere within the Los Angeles Basin in approximately 20 twenty minutes. That right there is horse $#*t.
Is it a rule that all police stations and public offices have to have a picture of the current president hanging on the wall? If so, it's a dumb movie cliché.
If you thought that a show called 'Top Hooker' was a reality television program about the highly competitive profession of street walkers... You'd be wrong.
"When there's a million dollars on the line, sometime you gotta smack a bee-otch." This is what goes through my head while watching The Amazing Race.
If there was a game called "Toss the Pizza Bone (crust) into Your Dog's Mouth", I'd totally win.
There are at least seven individuals in wheelchairs (our Gram included) ready to board our flight. Over half are lined up like they're ready to race.
Lisa just got the biggest laugh out of me when she said that Bethel was Superman's sister. I said, "Superman didn't have a sister." In which she replied, "Uh-huh! Her name is Beth-El. Get it?"
It's a little unsettling when you board a plane for Hatford, CT and the flight attendant states over the intercom that were traveling to Las Vegas and Burbank.
There's a guy here in our building who faithfully brushes his teeth at least twice while at work (most likely after breakfast and lunch). Not sure, however, if this reflects more poorly on me for not brushing my teeth enough or him for seeming a bit OCD. Discuss.
We have now entered the portion of our program where kids born in 1994-95 would consider 1980s music as "Oldies" and 1990s music as "Classic Rock." Think about that! #iamold
Lisa always tries to get a good chuckle out of me. Today's attempt was when she asked our dog, Amity, if she'd like to "go for a walk and make some Francis Ford Poopola?" This woman, I tell ya!
Nothing beats a basket full of salty chips, jalapeños and yellow gelatinous goo. And friends in which to enjoy it.
A loud "crash/bang" in another part of our house @ 2:30 AM and where's our 100 lb. guard dog that barks at everything? Under the bed not wanting to be bothered. (It was a picture that fell off the wall, in case you were wondering.)
In explaining the plot premise of "Breaking Bad" to a co-worker who had not seen the show, she then proceeded to ask me the question, "How do you do that?" I replied with, "Cook meth? I don't know. I just watch a show about it," laughing hysterically as I exited the kitchen.
Status updates are overrated.
Never thought I'd ever see American Pie on the IFC channel or The Negotiator on the Sundance Channel. Times they are a changin'.
The day I discover that our half-n-half coffee creamer single servings could curdle will be the day I start to drink my coffee black. Apparently that day is today.
You know you're in Antioch, TN when they have to lock up the $5 DVDs in Wal-Mart.
Being a prospect on "Sons of Anarchy" is like the television equivalent of being a red shirt on "Star Trek."
My life is like a Kevin Costner epic: sometimes over budget, not always well-received, but usually worth the time invested.
I have become one of those coffee drinkers. You know the ones I'm talking about. Someone who drinks it black and will drink it whether it's hot or cold. This is not how my dad showed me. What in the world have I become??
I. Hate. Sidebars.
(For those of you who were unaware, I spent the better part of two weeks serving on a jury this December. I have since discovered that all of the good stuff you see on shows like "Law & Order" and other legal dramas -- all that juicy stuff of lawyers arguing and "You're out of order!" -- stuff like that usually takes place while we're out of the courtroom, twiddling our thumbs to the docile sounds of the white noise machine.)
We begin tonight's festivities with the sub par sequel to last night's action extravaganza, DIE HARD 2. Where it lacks in originality, it makes up for it with bad dialog, Dennis Franz's horrible mustache, and Fred Thompson's Tennessee charm.
(This was in reference to our Annual Non-Christmas Christmas Movie Festival. My wife and I have been watching these movies consistently for six years, maybe more -- we may have started before we tied the knot, but I'm really not sure. It's one of our favorite traditions and I'll probably re-hash it out in a new post one of these days. Right now I think it's still sitting on my old blog if you're ever so curious to read it. I'm sure it's full of grammatical errors, old Best Buy employment rhetoric, and dead web links.)
I hope you enjoyed reading these as I did posting them here as well as throughout this past year. My hopes are to have at least one more post before the 31st. If everything works out the way it should, it'll end up posting sometime around mid-February.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers.
Please enjoy my "selected" status updates. Snippets of what went on in my life, my introspective commentary on certain events, or of those that I influenced enough for them to include me in their own thoughts or conversations. They're in no particular order and most of them are amusing, or at least I this so, but I'll let you be the judge. The pictures or videos in here are to help help reference what I may have been talking or thinking about at the time.
"He's parkouring the horses." A phrase I never thought I would hear. Thanks, Nathan and Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Killer (Lisa)
You know you've entered middle age when you look at the Top Selling Music Artists or the Best of 2012 albums and recognize MAYBE five out of the first 50 you come across. In all likelihood, this is a good thing, because I have no desire to shell out money on music. The bad news is... I feel old.
 |
| I didn't care when the first 'NOW' CD was released back in 1998, let alone the 47 additional issued titles since then. |
I just learned that in my marriage contract it says, "If the party of the 1st part assumes the sleep position before the party of the 2nd part brings forth cookies to the bed chamber, that the party of the 1st part voids her right to said cookies and all cookies are immediately transferred to the cookie bearer." Or at least that's what Nathan is trying to convince me of. (Lisa)
I love a good time travel movie but Primer just made my brain hurt...
 |
| "These charts show movie character interactions. The horizontal axis is time. The vertical grouping of the lines indicates which characters are together at a given time." (Thanks to giantfreakinrobot.com for the image) |
How is it that I've been sucked into a 2-hr block of RetroMTV with "The Real World: San Francisco"? Must... leave... the... room... before I lose the rest of the day.
I honestly believe that whenever someone places an order at Jet's Pizza, angels are dispatched down from heaven in order to make it. Yes, it's that good.
 |
| Apparently these angels also look like stereotypical fat Italians who deliver said pizza via a jet pack. |
When scrolling through all of the fancy ringtones that my new office phone has to offer, I've discovered that the most current of the pop culture references is the office ringtone from "24." Among the other horribly dated pop culture ringtones included were: Austin Powers, "The Simpsons" (Bart Simpson, specifically), "Star Trek", and Dirty Harry.
 |
| "The Simpsons" is about as relevant now as my "grunge-style" flannel shirt and curtained hair. |
I don't think my wife will ever take me completely serious because I watch "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and "Angel." And you know what? I'm okay with that.
I don't know what's worse: Disney channel in the waiting room or the Outlaw Country XFM station while waiting for a Novocaine shot and drilling at the dentist.
I just told my wife that we're well cultured... pop cultured, that is. (Slightly dated pop culture, in all honesty.)
 |
| Saying "Don't squeeze the Charmin" to someone under the age 25 will most likely get you blank stares. |
Watching Unbreakable and admiring the masterful direction of M. Night Shyamalan. How far the mighty have fallen. Now he's just a punchline. So sad, but at least I can cherish this film.
Me: Is it wrong that I'm drinking Dunkin' Donuts coffee while eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut at the same time?
Travis: I think maybe a black hole just opened up on the other side of universe because of you.
Me: Maybe it's more like my actions are creating a horrible day for someone on the other side of the planet.
Travis: Like The Butterfly Effect?
Me: Yeah.
A strange Memorial Day Movie Blockbuster weekend it will be, when the latest installment of cars driving fast (Fast & Furious 47 or something like that) is getting mostly positive reviews and apparently they've failed to deliver a decent sendoff for the 'Wolf Pack' in The Hangover, Part III. Blech. Anyone up for a trip to the video rental store? Oh wait, those are mostly gone, too? Well, that sucks.
| I don't think I've seen either of those titles. Are they in new releases? |
Three things: (1) IRON MAN 3 was excellent, (2) Shane Black's obsession with Christmas is still evident as it echoed throughout the entire film, and (3) he's still one of the best screenwriters in Hollywood, especially when his dialog comes out of the mouth of Robert Downey, Jr.
The most frustrating part of revisiting the television show "24" on Netflix is how Jack Bauer can supposedly get anywhere within the Los Angeles Basin in approximately 20 twenty minutes. That right there is horse $#*t.
 |
| Is the drive-thru line to get a Soy White Chocolate Peppermint Latte always this long? |
Is it a rule that all police stations and public offices have to have a picture of the current president hanging on the wall? If so, it's a dumb movie cliché.
If you thought that a show called 'Top Hooker' was a reality television program about the highly competitive profession of street walkers... You'd be wrong.
"When there's a million dollars on the line, sometime you gotta smack a bee-otch." This is what goes through my head while watching The Amazing Race.
 |
| What lengths will people go to just to have an 80-pound wheel of Gruyere cheese all to themselves? |
If there was a game called "Toss the Pizza Bone (crust) into Your Dog's Mouth", I'd totally win.
 |
| "I see your pizza bone and raise you an entire slice!" |
There are at least seven individuals in wheelchairs (our Gram included) ready to board our flight. Over half are lined up like they're ready to race.
 |
| And... apparently they've already turned it into a kid's toy. |
Nathan is moaning because the unisex travel-sized antiperspirant smells a little not masculine. When I mentioned he was the one who picked it out, he tells me "well, it wasn't Lily & Unicorn scent so I thought it would be okay." I love my husband ...and I'm officially claiming rights to the marketing of the entire line of Lily & Unicorn products as of this moment!!! (Lisa)
Lisa just got the biggest laugh out of me when she said that Bethel was Superman's sister. I said, "Superman didn't have a sister." In which she replied, "Uh-huh! Her name is Beth-El. Get it?"
It's a little unsettling when you board a plane for Hatford, CT and the flight attendant states over the intercom that were traveling to Las Vegas and Burbank.
There's a guy here in our building who faithfully brushes his teeth at least twice while at work (most likely after breakfast and lunch). Not sure, however, if this reflects more poorly on me for not brushing my teeth enough or him for seeming a bit OCD. Discuss.
Me: According to Sammy Hagar, there's only one way to rock.
Travis: According to Dee Snyder, he wants to rock.
Me: Well, if Dee wants to rock, he needs to follow the guidelines put in place by Sammy Hagar.
Travis: Meanwhile, Mick Jagger is unimpressed by all of it...He's quoted as saying, "it's only rock n roll."
We have now entered the portion of our program where kids born in 1994-95 would consider 1980s music as "Oldies" and 1990s music as "Classic Rock." Think about that! #iamold
Lisa always tries to get a good chuckle out of me. Today's attempt was when she asked our dog, Amity, if she'd like to "go for a walk and make some Francis Ford Poopola?" This woman, I tell ya!
Nothing beats a basket full of salty chips, jalapeños and yellow gelatinous goo. And friends in which to enjoy it.
A loud "crash/bang" in another part of our house @ 2:30 AM and where's our 100 lb. guard dog that barks at everything? Under the bed not wanting to be bothered. (It was a picture that fell off the wall, in case you were wondering.)
In explaining the plot premise of "Breaking Bad" to a co-worker who had not seen the show, she then proceeded to ask me the question, "How do you do that?" I replied with, "Cook meth? I don't know. I just watch a show about it," laughing hysterically as I exited the kitchen.
Status updates are overrated.
Never thought I'd ever see American Pie on the IFC channel or The Negotiator on the Sundance Channel. Times they are a changin'.
The day I discover that our half-n-half coffee creamer single servings could curdle will be the day I start to drink my coffee black. Apparently that day is today.
You know you're in Antioch, TN when they have to lock up the $5 DVDs in Wal-Mart.
So Nathan just compared his one silver chest hair that I was trying to vanquish to the ending scene of Harry and the Hendersons. Seems I must leave the "lone" silver hair because hidden in the forest are other sasquatch (sasquatches?) and I can't take him from his hidden silver family. Quite the metaphor to keep me from plucking that one standout silver hair. (Lisa)
Being a prospect on "Sons of Anarchy" is like the television equivalent of being a red shirt on "Star Trek."
My life is like a Kevin Costner epic: sometimes over budget, not always well-received, but usually worth the time invested.
 |
| Yes, I know Costner mysteriously loses his horrible British accent less than a third of the way through the movie. I don't know whose decision it was, but all I can say is, "thank you." |
I have become one of those coffee drinkers. You know the ones I'm talking about. Someone who drinks it black and will drink it whether it's hot or cold. This is not how my dad showed me. What in the world have I become??
I. Hate. Sidebars.
(For those of you who were unaware, I spent the better part of two weeks serving on a jury this December. I have since discovered that all of the good stuff you see on shows like "Law & Order" and other legal dramas -- all that juicy stuff of lawyers arguing and "You're out of order!" -- stuff like that usually takes place while we're out of the courtroom, twiddling our thumbs to the docile sounds of the white noise machine.)
We begin tonight's festivities with the sub par sequel to last night's action extravaganza, DIE HARD 2. Where it lacks in originality, it makes up for it with bad dialog, Dennis Franz's horrible mustache, and Fred Thompson's Tennessee charm.
(This was in reference to our Annual Non-Christmas Christmas Movie Festival. My wife and I have been watching these movies consistently for six years, maybe more -- we may have started before we tied the knot, but I'm really not sure. It's one of our favorite traditions and I'll probably re-hash it out in a new post one of these days. Right now I think it's still sitting on my old blog if you're ever so curious to read it. I'm sure it's full of grammatical errors, old Best Buy employment rhetoric, and dead web links.)
I hope you enjoyed reading these as I did posting them here as well as throughout this past year. My hopes are to have at least one more post before the 31st. If everything works out the way it should, it'll end up posting sometime around mid-February.
Until Next Time, Dear Readers.
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